My Anxiety Update

Anxiety has been my lifelong companion, a relentless shadow casting its influence over my every step. It wasn’t until this past May that I took a direct leap, embracing medication and vowing to reclaim control over this feeling. The transformation that followed was nothing short of remarkable.

I made pivotal lifestyle changes—I bid farewell to alcohol, put the brakes on marijuana use, and, quite unexpectedly, embraced running, a pursuit I’d never ventured into before. As a server, my schedule was a harmonious blend of predictable nights, leaving my mornings wide open and granting me two cherished days off each week. The financial rewards were plentiful, and flexibility was my ally.

Over the summer, a metamorphosis unfolded within me. My mood soared, energy surged, pounds melted away, and I found solace in journaling and self-care. Anxiety loosened its grip, and I genuinely felt like a renewed version of myself. I couldn’t help but share my newfound joy with friends and family, expressing both gratitude and empathy for the long years of silent suffering.

Late in the summer, as I was enjoying this new me, an opportunity knocked—a friend believed I’d be a perfect fit for a job in the office she currently worked in. The catch? A fixed 7:45 am to 5 pm schedule, a significant pay cut, but promising benefits. After a decade in the service industry, this was my chance for a fresh start, a pivot toward a new career. The excitement was real.

The reality, however, was a seismic shift in my world. Learning curves at the new job were steep, and the financial adjustment required me to juggle both the office role and serving at night. From a manageable 35 hours a week, I found myself working a staggering 65-70 hours overnight. My once-regular sleep patterns unraveled, my running routine faded into the background, and, regrettably, I resumed casual drinking.

Let me clarify—I’m no teetotaler. I adore the occasional cocktail and savor a good bourbon. But, unfortunately, my anxiety doesn’t share this enthusiasm. Stress and anxiety descended upon me like a tidal wave, amplifying since the beginning of my transformative journey.

In the midst of this tumult, a moment of clarity emerged. I had to hit pause, reassess, and strive for balance. I scaled back my serving shifts, sought equilibrium in my office job, and made the courageous decision to once again put the brakes on drinking. As Christmas looms, anxiety remains, but abstaining from alcohol signifies a significant stride toward reclaiming my peace.

I’ve come to accept that anxiety is a part of me, a nuanced facet of my existence. Striving for a life devoid of anxiety would be both unrealistic and unhealthy. The crux lies in the steps I take to navigate its ebbs and flows. And in this journey, I find a sense of pride—a testament to my resilience and commitment to self-discovery.